Wednesday, September 26, 2018

MY WHAT THIN LEGS YOU HAVE

I was walking my dog today and saw a woman entering her apartment with black leggings, to go coffee in hand, going about her every day business, and I, like usual, looked at her long thin legs. Her legs were extraordinarily thin, in a kind of more that usual unhealthy way, yet in my mind I thought "I wish I had your legs/body".

I am not fat, or overweight, Im generally healthy, but I have always had hammy legs, even when I trained in ballet, then martial arts, then yoga, it didn't matter, cellulite and thick thick thighs that didn't match my lacking breast size.   This leg war needs to end.

I look at women legs a lot wishing I had theirs versus mine, wishing that I also could wear leggings confidently, although I am sick of that look and I am sick of people dressing looking like they are working out all the time.  Seriously though, who cares, why do I give such shits about people wearing leggings or not.  I mean, I dress like a frump, I just don't wear leggings, so does this make me better, NOPE.   This duality of self shame and judgement is unhealthy of course, but I also think that most people feel this and at this point, whatever, I can own this.

Admittedly, I just googled "why people wear leggings" and articles about people who wear leggings are wrong and why they should STOP, and somehow this made me feel righteous and better.

I know where this body image of mine comes from, I won't bore you with the details.  Besides my personal programming though, the body image thing is becoming worse and worse I think. Or maybe its because of my age, I am entering into the end of my youngness and the beginning of my oldness.  45, when your metabolism shifts gears,  fear of getting old and looking saggy starts to become the reality that I once thought would never happen to me.

In conclusion. The woman with scary thin legs, Im sorry.  Other ladies whose legs and leg wear I judge,  Im sorry.  Me, Im sorry.